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American Pie

All of American Pie sounds are sampled at 11kHz 8-bit mono .wav, 11kHz 8-bit mono .wav, or 128bit/44khz/Stereo .Mp3.   

18yrs .wav (139K)  .mp3 (201k)
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Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch...
Finch: Single Malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years....the way I like it.


adump  .wav (78k)  .mp3 (110K)
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Kevin: It's Senior year....I mean, don't you think it's time you learned how to take a dump at school?
Finch: When was the last time you looked at the facilites at this school?


announcement .wav (139K)  .mp3 (201k)
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Jim: I have an announcement that I would like to make!  There is a gorgeous woman....m@sturb@ting on my bed!  
Finch: Thank you, Nadia!
Kevin: You know, if you ever had a chance with Nadia....this is it!


astand .wav (324K)  .mp3 (471k)
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Kevin: We must make a stand...here and now!  (music starts)  No longer will our p3nis3s remain flaccid and unused!    We will fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid and should be!  This is our day!  This is our time!  And by God, we will not stand by and watch history condemn us into celibacy!
Jim: Amen!
Finch: I..I like that!
Kevin: Yes!  We will make a stand!  We will succeed!
Oz: ABOUT TIME!!
Kevin: WE WILL GET LAID!  WOOHOO!  WOOHOO!!


ateitall  .wav (44k)  .mp3 (64K)
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Jim's Dad: Well....we'll just tell your mother that we ate it all.


bigdump  .wav (218k)  .mp3 (317K)
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If you have seen this movie....you know what to expect from this sound...no typing of any dialogue will make this sound any funnier than it already is...so enjoy.


breasts  .wav (158k)  .mp3 (229K)
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Jim's Dad: (Showing his son a dirty magazine) Well, this is the...this is the, ah, female form....and, uh, they have, uh, focused on the breasts....uh, which are used primarily for, to feed...young infants....and, um...and also in f0replay
Jim: Right.


clickmouse .wav (69K)  .mp3 (100k)

Jessica: You're telling me you've never even had one manually?  
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double clicked your "mouse"?  (Vicky laughs)


cmeinact .wav (84K)  .mp3 (124k)
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Oz: Hey guys!  Came to see me in action?  
Jim: Yeah.  I think you sounded pretty good!
Stifler: Yeah man!  I think you need to have your b@lls re-attached!


cookies  .wav (40k)  .mp3 (58K)

Jessica: What do you expect him to drive to Cornell for.....milk and cookies?


coolest  .wav (44k)  .mp3 (64K)
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Stifler's little brother: This is the coolest thing I have ever seen!
Stifler:  Yeah!


defcon2  .wav (44k)  .mp3 (64K)

Sherman: Indeed!  Some FINE ladies here, boys!  Mm-hmm!  Confidence is high!  Repeat, confidence is high!  Sherman is moving to DEFCON 2.  Full strategic arsenal....ready for deployment!


dorms  .wav (40k)  .mp3 (58K)
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Jim: You know we're all going to go to college as vrgins...you realize this, right? I mean they probably have special dorms for people like us.


dragonstyle .wav (182K)  .mp3 (264k)

Kevin: Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable, but together, we are the masters of our s3xu@l destiny!
Jim: Their Tigerstyle Kung Fu is strong...but our Dragonstyle will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys!
Oz: The Shaolin masters from East and West must unite!  Fight!  And find out who is number one!
Kevin: Guys!  C'mon! You're ruining my moment here!


duped  .wav (40k)  .mp3 (58K)
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Jessica: I mean, if you wanna get her in the sack, just tell her you love her...that's how I was duped.


finewine  .wav (56k)  .mp3 (81K)

Finch: Women......Like a fine wine, only get better with age.


godbless .wav (218K)  .mp3 (317k)
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Kevin: Oh my God!  Oh, this is too much!
Finch: Oh you see....there! there that goes....oh geez....God bless the internet!
Jim: Aye-yie-yie!
Finch: Take it off!
Kevin: Oh my God!
All the guys: Ohhh!
Jim: Oh, thank you God for this wonderful, wonderful day!
Finch: Man, she takes her vitamins!


heblewit .wav (130K)  .mp3 (189k)

Finch: Oh no!
Everyone watching on their computers: Ohhhh!  Ahhhno! 
Some guy watching: Houston, we have a problem!!
Stifler's brother: What happened?  What'd he do?!
Stifler: He blew it!


herface  .wav (118k)  .mp3 (172K)
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Jim's Dad: Look at the expression on her face....You see that? See what she's doing?  She kind of looking right into your eyes saying, "Hey big boy!  Heeey....How ya doin'?"  You see?
Jim: Right.


howmany .wav (123K)  .mp3 (178k)

Party Girl: I can't believe how many cool people are at this party! 
Stifler: Yep!
Party Girl: And you have a keg too!  Wow!
Stifler: Indeed!


iwasused  .wav (76k)  .mp3 (110K)
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Jim: Oh my God, she used me!  I was used!  I've been used!  Cool!


joinclub .wav (264K)  .mp3 (384k)

Sherman: Fellas, say goodbye to Chuck Sherman the boy....I am now a man!  I highly recommend you join the club.  We were doin' the wild thing....all night!  I'm exhausted!
Kevin: I don't get it!  I mean, how the hell did you do that?
Sherman: It was just my time...it was just my time.  Best of luck to you boys!


likepie .wav (107K)  .mp3 (155k)
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Jim: What exactly does third base feel like?
Oz: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Oz: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Oz: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?


lotwork  .wav (89k)  .mp3 (129K)

Oz: All that you gotta do is ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and sh1t.
Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work!


milf .wav (111K)  .mp3 (161k)
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Party Guy #1: Dude!  That chick's a MILF!
Party Guy #2: What the he|| is that? 
Party Guy #1: M-I-L-F!  Mom I'd like to f*ck!  (Both laugh)


milfx4 .wav (40K)  .mp3 (58k)

Party Guy #1 & #2: MILF!  MILF!  MILF!  MILF!!


myflute .wav (211K)  .mp3 (307k)
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Michelle: Oh!  And this one time....and band camp...I stuck a flute in my p*ssy!
Jim: (Taking a drink then realizes what she just said and spits it all out)  Excuse me?? 
Michelle:   What?  You think I don't know how to get myself off?  Hell, that's what half of band camp is!  S*x-ed!  So are we gonna screw soon, cuz' I'm getting kind of ancey!


myname .wav (90K)  .mp3 (131k)

Jim: Okay, let's go! 
Michelle:
What's my name!  SAY MY NAME B***H!!
Jim: Uh...MICHELLE!  MICHELLE!!  (various things in the room break)  Oh God! 


normal .wav (278K)  .mp3 (404k)
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Jim's Dad: Now I just want you to know, that it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.  And I have to admit, I, uh...did the fair bit of...m@sturb@ting when I was a little younger. Yeah.  I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, uh, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.


paleale .wav (135K)  .mp3 (195k)

Party Guy: Hahaha!  Nice!  (Stifler's puking in the toilet)
Jim: Oh Jesus!  Stifler!  What'd you drink man?
Kevin: Hey Stifler!  How's the pale ale?
Stifler: F**k you, man!  (Everyone laughs as Stifler continues to "pray to the porcelain god")


seduceme .wav (371K)  .mp3 (539k)
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Finch: So, uh, would you object if I said that you are quite striking?
Mrs. Stifler: Mr. Finch....are you trying to seduce me?
Finch: Yes Ma'am, I am.  ("Mrs. Robinson" starts playing)
Mrs. Stifler: (Looks at Finch...)  Ooooh...You're dead!  (Grabs him and leads him to the pool table)


sherminator .wav (197K)  .mp3 (287k)

Sherman: Fellas, I think it's time she experienced....The Sherminator!
Kevin: Yeah, okay Sherman...whatever..
Sherman: I'm a sophisticated s*x robot sent back through time to change the future...for one lucky lady.
Jim: Go get 'em, Tiger!
Sherman: I'll be back!


shocker .wav (51K)  .mp3 (74k)
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Vicky: Kevin likes it!! 
Jessica:
He likes getting head...Gee, what a total shocker!!


shuttle .wav (61K)  .mp3 (89k)

Vicky: I want the right time, the right moment....the right place...
Jessica:
Vicky!  It's not a space shuttle launch!  It's s*x!


spankme .wav (103K)  .mp3 (151k)
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Stifler and other lacrosse players: Spank me!  Spank me!  Hit that hi "C"!  Ahooooooooo!!  (How do you spell a musical note anyways.....give me a break!  hehe)


tookchair .wav (40K)  .mp3 (58k)

Finch: He did NOT just take out that chair!
Kevin:
Yep.....he took out the chair.


thebible .wav (290K)  .mp3 (421k)
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Kevin's Older Brother: My man, you've just inherited the bible!  It originally started as a s*x manual...this book that some guys brought back from Amsterdam, and each year it got passed on to one needy student who is worthy.  Now it's full of all sorts of stuff that guys have added over the years...But you have to keep it a secret...and return it at the end of the year.   So now you know.....Good luck.


undrwatr  .wav (100k)  .mp3 (144K)

Jim's Dad: Well, you see the detail, that, uh, that they go into in this picture here...?
Jim: Mm-hmm...yeah....
Jim's Dad: It almost looks like a....a tropical plant or something...underwater.  
Jim: Yeah.


want2talk  .wav (23k)  .mp3 (33K)
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Jim's Dad: Jim....I want to talk about m@sturb@tion.


b4ido  .wav (153k)  .mp3 (222K)

Kevin: If Sherman has s*x before I do.....I'm gonna be really pissed!
Jim:  Sherman?  The Sherminator?  (Both laugh)


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