All the My Cousin Vinny sounds are sampled at 11khz mono.

 

alabama.wav(163k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: Stan, you're in Ala-fuckin-bama. You killed a good-ol-boy. You come from New York! There is NO way, this is not going to trial.

allrise.wav(89k) Save to Online Drive

Court Baliff: All rise for his honor, Judge Chamberlain Haller. The court of Beecham County is now in session.

allrisep.wav(31k) Save to Online Drive

Court Baliff: All rise as the judge leaves!

attorney.wav(33k) Save to Online Drive

Bill: We have an attorney in the family!
Stan: Great! Who?
Bill: My Cousin Vinny!

bioclock.wav(1140k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: What's the matter with you?
Mona Lisa: I don't know...
Vinny: You're actin' like you're nervous or something.
Mona Lisa: Well, yeah, I am.
Vinny: What are you nervous about? I'm the one under the gun here. Trial starts tomorrow.
Mona Lisa You wanna know what I'm nervous about? I'll tell you what I'm nervous about! I am in the dark here with all this legal crap. I have no idea what's going on! All I know is that you're screwing up and I can't help!
Vinny: You left me that little camera, didn't you?
Mona Lisa: Oh, Vinny! I'm watching you go down in flames, and you're bringing me with you and I can't do anything about it.
Vinny: And?
Mona Lisa: Well, I hate to bring it up, because I know you have enough pressure on you already. BUT, we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case. Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece! The daughter of my sister is getting married! My biological clock is tickin' like this, and with the way this case is goin', I ain't never gettin' married!
Vinny: Lisa, I don't need this. I swear to God I don't need this right now. Okay? I've got a judge that's just achin' to throw me in jail! An idiot who wants to fight me for $200! Slaughtered pigs! Giant loud whistles! I ain't slept in five days! I've got no money! A dress code problem! And a little murder case, which in the balance holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention....YOUR biological clock! My career! Your life! Our marriage! And let's see...what else can we pile on? Is there any more shit we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?! IS IT POSSIBLE?
Mona Lisa: Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up.

booked.wav(207k) Save to Online Drive

Stan: What's the matter?
Bill: Do you know what this is all about?
Stan: Yeah, they're fucking with us.
Bill: And you don't believe that?
Stan: No, they don't execute for shoplifting.
Bill: You think we're being booked for shoplifting?
Stan: No, no. You're being booked for shoplifting, I'm being booked for accessory to shoplifting.
Bill: No, Stan, I'm being booked for murder, and you're being booked for accessory to murder.

chinese.wav(36k) Save to Online Drive

Mona Lisa: I bet the Chinese food here is terrible!

deathrow.wav(215k) Save to Online Drive

Officer: That's death row in there
Stan: It is?
Officer: The chair ain't workin' like it use to. The guy we fried last week, took us three attempts, and his head caught fire. See, there's no money in the budget to get it looked at. I said it'd be cheaper to get it fixed, than keep running up them extra electric bills.

drip.wav(1320k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: Is that a drip I hear?
Mona Lisa: Yeah.
Vinny: Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?
Mona Lisa: So?
Vinny: Well, did you use the faucet?
Mona Lisa Yeah!
Vinny: Why didn't you turn it off?
Mona Lisa: I did turn it off.
Vinny: Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?
Mona Lisa: Did it ever occur to you that it could be turned off and drip at the same time?
Vinny: No, because if you turned it off, it wouldn't drip.
Mona Lisa: Maybe its broken!
Vinny: Is that what you're saying? It's broken?
Mona Lisa: Yeah, that's it, it's broken.
Vinny: You sure?
Mona Lisa: I'm positive.
Vinny: Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough.
Mona Lisa: I twisted it just right.
Vinny: How can you be so sure?
Mona Lisa: If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10-16 foot pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage.
Vinny: How can you be sure you used 16 foot pounds of torque?
Mona Lisa: Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench. The kind used by Cal Tech High Energy physicists, and NASA engineers.
Vinny: In that case, how can you be sure THAT'S accurate?
Mona Lisa: Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal department of weights and measures, to be dead on balls accurate. Here's the certificate of validation!
Vinny: I guess the fuckin thing is broken!

travellr.wav(186k) Save to Online Drive

Town Person: Yep, yeah, we're famous for our mud.
Mona Lisa: Famous for your mud? How's your Chinese food?
Vinny: You just keep onaxin' about Chinese food. Can't you tell that they haven't got any Chinese restaurants around here? Ya gotta let everyone know that you're a tourist. C'mon!
Mona Lisa: And what are you? A fuckin world traveller?

overuled.wav(437k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify; particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination. As well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witnesses reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the verocity ot HIS conclusions.
Judge: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny: Yes sir?
Judge: That is a lucid, intelligent, well-thought out objection.
Vinny: Thank you, your honor
Judge: Overruled.

hostile.wav(147k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: Your Honor, may I have permission to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?
Mona Lisa: You think I'm hostile now, wait till you see me tonight.
Judge: Uh, do you two know each other?
Vinny: Yeah, she's my fiancee.
Judge: Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.

in-out.wav(345k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: You must be Stan. How ya doin'?
Stan: Why'd they bring you in here?
Vinny: Well I just got in. I asked where the new guys were, and they brought me right in. Hey, sleepin' huh? Cute little guy. Y'know, maybe I'll just start with you. Let him sleep a little bit.
Stan: I don't wanna do this.
Vinny: Hey! I don't blame you. If I was in your situation, I'd want to get through with this whole thing as quickly and with as little pain as possible. So, you know, let's do our best to make it a simple in-and-out procedure.

oneway.wav(372k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: What's the matter? Relax. Relax. You know, maybe we should spend a couple of minutes, you know, to get aquainted before, we, you know, get to it. What's wrong with you?
Stan: I don't want to do this!
Vinny: I understand, but, you know, what are your alternatives?
Stan: My alternatives?
Vinny: Yeah!
Stan: To what? To you? I dunno. Suicide. Death.
Vinny: Look, it's either me or them. You're getting fucked one way or the other!

jerkoff.wav(83k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: I did not come down here just to get jerked off!
Stan: No, no...I'm not jerkin' you off...I'm not doin' anything!

instantg.wav(218k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: Uh, do you remember what you had?
Town Person: Eggs and grits.
Vinny: Eggs and grits. I like grits too. How do you cook your grits? Do you like them regular, creamy, or al dente?
Town Person: Just regular, I guess.
Vinny: Regular.....instant grits?
Town Person: No self-respectin' Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits.

two-utes.wav(262k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: Is it possible, the two utes...
Judge: Eh, the two what? Uh, uh, what was that word?
Vinny: Uh, what word?
Judge: Two what?
Vinny: What?
Judge: Uh, did you say 'Utes'?
Vinny: Yeah, two utes.
Judge:What is a ute?
Vinny: Oh, excuse me, your honor. Two YOUTHS.

jt.wav(1220k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: JT. I believe you and Lisa played a game of pool for $200 which she won? I'm here to collect.
JT: How 'bout if I just kick your ass?
Vinny: Oh! A counteroffer? That's what we lawyers...I'm a lawyer...that's what we call a counteroffer. Let me see...this is a tough decision you're giving me here. Get my ass kicked or collect $200. Hmm....what do ya think? I could use a good ass kicking, I'll be very honest with you. Nah, I think I'll just go with the $200.
JT: Over my dead body.
Vinny: Oh, you like to renegotiate as you go along....okay, well here's MY counteroffer. Do I have to kill you? What if I was just to kick the ever-loving shit out of you?
JT: In your dreams!
Vinny: No, no. In reality. If I was to kick the shit out of ya, do I get the money?
JT: If you kick the shit out of me?
Vinny: Yeah.
JT: Yeah, then you get the money.
Vinny: What happened....rear ended?
Town Person: No, I fell.
Vinny: Oh...Okay. Let's see if we agree on the terms. The choice now, is, I get my ass kicked, or option b. I kick your ass and collect $200. I'm goin' with option b. Kicking YOUR ass and collecting $200.
JT: We're going to fight now?
Vinny: Yeah. First let me see the money.
JT: I have the money.
Vinny: Allright. Let me see it. Show it to me.
JT: I can get it.
Vinny: You can get it? Allright. Get it. Then we'll fight.

newsuit.wav(77k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: I've got 30 fuckin' minutes to get showered, get a new suit, and get to the fuckin' courthouse!
Mona Lisa: You fuckin' shower, I'll get your fuckin' suit!

pants.wav(365k) Save to Online Drive

Vinny: What about these pants I got on? You think they're okay? Oh!
Mona Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear blue water.....BAM! A FUCKIN' BULLET RIPS OFF PART OF YOUR HEAD! YOUR BRAIN ARE LAYING ON THE GROUND IN LITTLE BLOODY PIECES. Now, I ax ya. Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?

opening.wav(213k) Save to Online Drive

Bill: Vinny!
Vinny: What?
Bill: C'mon! It's time to make your opening statement. C'mon Vin!
Vinny: Uh, everything that guys says is bullshit. Thank you.

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The Movie Sounds Page is maintained by Tony W. Wittrien