Dad: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Dad: Mike is a dork.

dude.wav (170K)

Farmer Ted: This information cannot leave this room, OK? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Samantha: No problem.
Farmer Ted: (long pause)I've never bagged a babe.

felt.wav (122K)

Samantha: You know, just now I really felt how much you like me.
Farmer Ted: You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something.
Samantha: Well not really, I felt it on my leg.

forgot.wav (42K)

Samantha: I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.

fresh.wav (19K)

Farmer Ted: Fresh breath is a priority in my life.

geek.wav (35K)

Samantha: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek..

good.wav (22K)

Farmer Ted: This... is getting good.

home.wav (71K)

Jake: Did she come here with you?
Farmer Ted: No, no.. but ah... if it's OK with my dad she's going home with me.

hotstuff.wav (48K)

Long Duk Dong: What's happenin' Hot Stuff?

interfce.wav (62K)

Farmer Ted: By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.

king.wav (187K)

Farmer Ted: I know I came on kind of like a poozer on the bus tonight and everything but, that's just so my friends won't think, y'know, I'm a jerk.
Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks though, aren't they?
Farmer Ted: Yeah, but the thing is I'm kinda like the leader, y'know...kinda like the King of the Dipshits.

nice.wav (21K)

Farmer Ted: Nice manners Babe!

nomore.wav (58K)

Long Duk Dong: No more yanky my wanky. The Donger need food!

proof.wav (243K)

Farmer Ted: What kind of proof do you want?
Bryce/Wheeze: Video.
Farmer Ted: No way, OK. I can just see the thing getting duped a thousand times and like winding up on cable somewhere. Try again.
Bryce/Wheeze: Underpants.
Farmer Ted: No problem, Buttlick.
(long pause)
Bryce/Wheeze: Girls underpants.

under.wav (73K)

Farmer Ted: I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.

veryhot.wav (80K)

Farmer Ted: Very hot! Very hot! Tonight... tonight it's happenin'!